How To Defeat Anxiety in America: Be 'Un-American!'

I just landed back in New York yesterday after being away from the States for a while now and instantly when I landed I was reminded of the thing that gave me major anxiety and depression back in the day: America. Before I go into this and piss people off let me first qualify a few things.

Over 40 million people suffer from Anxiety or Anxiety related disorders in the United States?  Why?  This is one of the greatest countries in the world and of modern civilization, so why is it so many people are sick with mental disorders and every second person you know is on Prozac or Alzam? I was born in Canada, have lived all over the United States and am currently living in South Africa, and I will tell you why: EXPECTATION.

To live in America, to be American, to evolve in America, and to show society you are an important successful person in America, is a situation that places a great deal of responsibility and pressures on you every single moment of every single day.

This is the country that: boasts the greatest economy in the world; employs the largest and fiercest military operation in the world; leads the world in politics, finance, fashion, diplomacy, and social culture; and is generally seen and known as the most successful and wealthiest country in the world. 

This is quite a list, and an exciting thing to be a part of,  but at the same time creates a culture of 'success and more success' which in turn places enormous pressure on every single person, every day. It creates the pressure for everyone to achieve everyday and live up their end of the deal. To uphold and continue to help build and grow America as the greatest country in the world becomes the mantra and is now part of the social and cultural fabric of this country and all its people.

I mean, you don't get on a boat or a plane and ship your ass to the United States to fail, do you? No, this is the 'land of opportunity' as we always hear, the land of 'freedom' and the greatest place in the world. You ship your ass here so you can have a better life, make something of yourself and to live the 'American Dream.'  Please hear me now: this is the biggest load of rubbish I have ever heard in my life and it has been sold to everyone inside and outside the United States.

America is a great country with some of the brightest, nicest and advanced people in the world so I love being here and enjoying the way the people think and tapping into the American mentality when it suits me. For me though it is this same mentality that generally puts people in outpatient institutions everyday and onto medication every hour. By always striving to meet people's expectations and to meet and exceed their own, they are always striving to achieve more, give more, acquire more all at the expense of 'helping themselves more'.

This is unfortunately a 'succeed and attain wealth at all costs' mentality that breeds in the American people, and I have witnessed people first hand give up the best part of their lives just to get promoted or make money. Incredibly long hours, incredibly busy lives, a constant fixation of looking forward and building success and wealth has led so many people to neglect themselves emotionally and physically and in the end break down and suffer from anxiety and depression. Is it worth it? This American Mentality is highly damaging.

Let me make another thing clear, you are not 'free' in America. Oh yes, you may be free in the physical sense to go as you please and do what you want and garner all the opportunities that may exist (this however is questionable after 9/11), but you are never 'free' of the burden of building and living the American Dream and being as successful as your fellow American.

Making enough money to gain respect in US society, trying to constantly achieve status, and putting your mind and body in a state of high adrenaline while you try to build this American Dream and get a piece of this great American pie, is NOT freedom; it is pure pressure and emotional anarchy.

It is this EXPECTATION people put on themselves, and the EXPECTATIONS from American society, that drive so many people to unhappiness and lead them to chronic fear, depression and anxiety. When I lived here I drove a BMW Z3 convertible, I made over $100 000 US per year working for Unilever and Shell, I had the nicest clothes and apartments and still I was unhappy and depressed. Why?

The answer is simple, I EXPECTED more of myself and was living my life to feed and exceed my expectations. What I had may have been good for most people living outside the US and dreaming to come and make it here, but for me it was not enough. I EXPECTED, and those around me EXPECTED me to be a multi-millionaire with all the success and things money can buy and if I didn't I would be a failure in the U.S. I mean look around, everywhere you turn there is money, wealth, success and the promise of higher status with more money, and if I couldn't achieve these things I wasn't worthy.

I don't blame others for my misery and expectations, I know I brought them on myself. I got sucked into the American Dream, had visions of millions of dollars and when I got here spent all my time and emotional energy chasing money and more money. Eventually my body and mind broke down and i ended up in a shrink's office sucked of self-esteem, destroyed of confidence, filled with guilt and blame, and on a myriad of medications to deal with the worst panic attacks of my life. I EXPECTED all the things I was chasing to make me happy, they certainly did not. Luckily for me today i have changed my expectations and I am very happy every moment of every day as I am now free of fear, anxiety, depression and expectations. I don't care what you think and who you are.

The point here is not my own story at all, the point here is that we bring the anxiety and depression on ourselves by placing and creating EXPECTATIONS on ourselves. We are consistently bombarded my media and social messages revolving around money, beauty and success, and these are now basically the ideals Americans hold in highest value and which we unfortunately use as yardsticks to measure our own lives.

I have a best friend who is so smart, good looking and charming, who has made a lot of money in his life and has so many things going for him and the potential to do anything, but he is incredibly unhappy and at times depressed. He often tells me he really does 'feel blessed' for the things he has but I don't think he really believes that. More often than not he is depressed because in his mind he doesnt have the things that SHOULD make him happy.

Compared to his peers, and compared to his idea of what success is and what should make him happy, he is a failure. He doesn't look to his own charm, personality, brain and achievements to make him happy. He doesn't even draw happiness from hopes and dreams he may have or at the idea of packing it all in and completely changing his life. He judges his happiness on what a young and educated black man with an MBA in America should have, and as a result is unhappy.

He believes that to be successful in America and thus happy, he needs to have a few million dollars in the bank, a few cars (preferably German), a thriving business and all the bling money can buy. He is not free, he is a prisoner to these expectations. The problem here is that freedom is only a choice away and the key to being happy is to temper your expectations and to detach from all the things you deem crucial to happiness such as money, status or material things.

The problem is he lives in America. And the problem here again? Everywhere he looks and turns he is being bombarded with stories and images of success and what the succesful person should look like. He is constantly networking and in touch with his peers who are all super wealthy, on-the-move and in his eyes happy. He is in a world that doesn't gel with his own.

I could write all day on what it is about America and its people that leads them to severe anxiety and depression. I could write another day trying to also outline why it is 40 million people plus suffer from anxiety and associated mental disorders in America. The truth is a problem exists and what I will tell you with conviction is: to defeat anxiety in America, you need to be 'Un-American'.

I am not advocating you leave the country or change everything about who you are and what you do, or don't pursue money or success, all I am saying is to be successful here and overcome your anxiety, you need to change the goals and objectives you have set forth in your life and change the expectations you have of yourself and what it is that will make you happy or successful.

So many people here judge you on what you do, how much money you make, what you look like and what blady car you drive. Who the hell cares? The first thing you have to do is look deep inside yourself and redefine or try an figure out what makes you happy and change your expectations of what should make you happy and completely ignore the expectations American society places upon you.

Killing yourself day-after-day to live to some false ideal and value system is not worth your health and life. Driving a nice car and having material things is not worth a stroke or driving yourself to depression. If you stop chasing material things and expecting them to make you a 'success', you won't rely on them and you can focus on other things to make you happy: like helping people, taking care of your health and so forth.

Once you stop believing you need something, you automatically take it's power away from your life and the thing you thought you needed dies in importance.  So, stop needing to fill other's and your expectations at all costs.

Spending everyday living with the pressure of impressing your peers, colleagues and family and living the American Dream will lead you to sickness and possibly the grave. By figuring out what iit is that is really important to you, and what will really make you happy is your goal. I have written articles about it, and loads of techniques and information exists on how to find happiness, so make it a goal of yours to define your happiness and lift the expectations you put on yourself;  rid yourselves of all these burdens once and for all.

Worrying constantly about 'being better' then the next guy or having more than somebody else is a recipe for disaster. By competing with others you are creating EXPECTATIONS for yourself and unecessary pressure on what you need to achieve. Why? Wouldn't it be nicer to wake up every morning planning how you want to spend your day doing what you enjoy and filling the expectations of yourself that only revolve around what really makes you happy? Wouldn't it be nice to live your life anxiety-free and void of your friends, peers, family, American society and the pressure and stress they bring?

The trick in being able to do all these things  and to rid yourself of this destructive American mentality, is to execute DETACHMENT. You need to detach yourself from the idea that all these things such as money and cars will make you happy and that acquiring them is a recipe for success.  You need to detach yourself from the idea that you cannot live without these things and that they are crucial to your success as a human being here and in the after world. You need to detach yourself of your expectations and the expectations America has of you.

People who are scared of death generally fear losing things and are scared of detaching from this world and all they built. If you see death as an opportunity to feed into and become one with the universe, and you see death as a necessary step in your evolution as a soul and person, you will not be scared. But if you see death as a 'loss of your life' and a 'loss of control' and a 'loss of all the things you own' in this world, you cannot detach yourself and chances are you will be scared of death all your life.

By detaching yourself from the American Dream and the American Mentality and way of life is your answer to defeating fear and anxiety in the United States. If you don't need or expect money for happiness, to define success, or as a tool to show off to others, you alleviate any stress of losing your job or not getting promoted; this freedom is powerful. If you detach yourself of the way you should look and expect to look in America, you wil never feel guity again or worry about looking one way or the other or worrying about what the next person looks like. You will be detached and free.

If you detach yourself from the idea you need a lot of money, a big house and a fancy car to be happy and a 'success' in America, than you can be happy right now and spend all your time filling your life purpose (and living a stress and anxiety-free life) rather then killing yourself to acquire these things.

in the end you will find once you have so much money and you have built such a career and life, the only thing you will strive for and want more then anything is peace, happiness and health; you will do anything to rid yourself of the fear, anxiety and stress you brought upon yourself and will want to live life only YOUR way.

Live for and create your own expectations, create your own mentality, defeat anxiety and live fear-free and enjoy the good old red, white and blue!